Chapter 28: Tears of Rain
**Aurora stands on the edges of the Red Lake, the heavy jungle breathing all around her. She stares out at the deathly calm water, her face expressionless. Her yellow hair hangs limply over her shoulders, as still as if it were made of stone. Even as heavy raindrops begin to fall, she remains motionless, her eyes transfixed on the water**
FUTURE LIBBY: Aurora? Girl, can you hear me?
**Future Libby appears behind her, holding a large leaf over her head to ward off the downpour. She hurries over to her friend through the curtain of rain, sidestepping puddles and avoiding rocks as she goes**
FUTURE LIBBY: Aurora, it’s startin’ to rain. Maybe you better come back to camp. Hey, Aurora…you listenin’?
**Future Libby approaches cautiously, and Aurora jumps a little when her friend lays a hand on her shoulder. She meets Future Libby’s eyes for a moment, then blinking rapidly, returns her gaze to the expanse of the lake. Raindrops alight on her eyelashes and slide down her face like tears, catching in the corners of her mouth before dripping off her chin**
FUTURE LIBBY: Aurora?
AURORA: (absently) Libby, do you remember all the things we used to say when we were kids? All the things we planned to do?
**Future Libby regards Aurora for a moment in silence before gently dropping her leaf umbrella. She settles herself on a small boulder and draws her knees to her chest, dark eyes intent and focused**
FUTURE LIBBY: I think so. But we said lots o’ things.
AURORA: I keep thinking about all the things we planned to do…all the things we took for granted that we’d do.
**Water droplets stream down Aurora’s arms and drip from her fingertips, as if from fingers carved of stone**
AURORA: We never got to go to our high school prom…you know? I remember how I used to imagine what my dress would look like — I could picture myself on the dance floor, spinning, twirling, laughing — I felt so beautiful. Who knows how many hours I spent daydreaming about it. It’s funny how dreams are. When you’re young, you don’t stop to think that they might not come true. But I guess it doesn’t matter. Still, I think about it sometimes.
**She pauses for a moment**
AURORA: You know, not once in these past ten years has anyone ever called me beautiful.
**She turns her head a little, and a piece of sodden hair works itself loose from her ponytail and tumbles down. Future Libby waits in silence for her friend to continue**
AURORA: I never got to learn to drive…or save up for my first car…or run my first red light. None of it. I remember — I think it was when we were trying to save Jimmy and Sheen from the League of Villains — you told me that if I somehow managed to get my driver’s license, you were taking the bus. I remember getting this hilarious image in my head of you in the back seat of my car, holding on for dear life as I went careening down the road. We never got to grow up together, Libby. I always thought we would. I always thought we’d roll down the windows of our first car and feel the wind in our hair, or blast the radio as loud as we could and sing along with our favorite songs. Always.
FUTURE LIBBY: Aurora…I…
AURORA: We were cheated out of so many rights of passage, so many firsts. In place of what should be happy memories is something else entirely…
**Aurora’s shoulders begin to tremble, and she wraps her arms around herself**
AURORA: I thought our first kiss was supposed to be wonderful…I thought I’d be able to tell you all about it. Now I can’t. I can’t. I thought we were supposed to fall in love, to share secrets, and to comfort each other. Oh God Libby, don’t you understand? We’ll never get to see what it feels like to finish high school, or to go to college, or to buy our first house, or to get married. We’ll never get to have kids or get to watch the looks on our parents’ faces when they meet their grandchildren for the first time. I never got to tell my Mom how much I loved her. Everyone we ever knew, all the things we ever said, all the plans we ever made — they’re all gone.
**There is a tremendous silence, and Aurora lifts one hand and gingerly wipes a drop of rain from her cheek. When she speaks, her voice is soft and gentle**
AURORA: Why?
**She turns quickly and gazes straight at Future Libby. Her green eyes shine clear and bright from under her glistening eyelashes. She blinks, and another stream dances down her face**
AURORA: Why, Libby? That’s all I want to know.
**Future Libby’s eyebrows knit together as she gazes up at the woman before her, a soldier made of crystal light in the falling rain**
FUTURE LIBBY: I don’t know the answer to that, Aurora. I don’t think anyone does. But I do know that if we spend our lives wonderin’ why bad things happen, then we’ll miss out on all the good things that happen too. What you went through was awful, and I’m not tryin’ to tell you otherwise. But somethin’ good happened too...you survived. You might not have got to go to Prom or get your first car…but Aurora, you got a spaceship instead. You’ve seen things and traveled to places that most people could never even imagine. In ten years you’ve lived things that no one else could have lived in ten lifetimes. And you might not think you have a future, but I’m not ready to give up hope. There’s still a chance for me, Aurora, and there’s still a chance for you.
AURORA: I’m…I’m…scared. I’m afraid of what might happen.
FUTURE LIBBY: We’re all afraid, Aurora. But we keep on goin’, if not for ourselves, then for the people we love.
AURORA: (bitterly) People we love…
FUTURE LIBBY: Life isn’t always easy to understand. People die, but we learn to make new friends and to love new people. We don’t forget about the people we’ve lost, but we don’t die with them either. Instead, we keep livin’ for the ones that we do have. The people we love aren’t all gone, Aurora. I see one of them standin’ right in front of me.
**Aurora raises her gaze to meet Libby’s**
FUTURE LIBBY: You know, it’s not a crime to feel. We all get scared, we all feel sad, and we all cry. It’s no big deal.
AURORA: Libby…
FUTURE LIBBY: You might not have realized it, but I’m still here. We might not have gotten to go to middle school, high school, or college, and we might not have gotten to ride together in our first car. But who’s to know if we’d have been happy doin’ those things anyway? There’s no way to know what would have happened or what could have happened. There’s only what DID happen, and while it might not seem like it, it’s not all bad. We still have each other. And in the end, isn’t that what we all really want? Friendship…love…trust? All I know is that I’ll be here for you no matter what, and when you come down to it, that’s what’s most important. No matter what happens, no matter what you say or do, I’ll still be your friend. Always.
**Aurora bites her lip as her eyes flood with emotion. Future Libby seems to radiate warmth, and even under the veil of dark clouds and the torrents of rain, she appears clean and bright. Future Libby leans forward, eyes shining softly**
FUTURE LIBBY: And Aurora…nobody may have told you this, but you are beautiful.
**Aurora’s face seems to break at these words, and with a cry she throws her head back and bursts into despairing tears. Recoiling from the force of her own emotion, she staggers backward, losing her balance momentarily as her foot slides in a patch of mud. Smeared with dirt, soaked to the bone, and shaking visibly, she hangs in unbalanced mid-motion. Slowly, painfully, she straightens, then meets her friend’s sympathetic eyes. With a choked sob she dives at Future Libby, who quietly pulls Aurora into a comforting embrace. She weeps violently as Future Libby holds her, her cries muffled in the crook of her friend’s shoulder. After a time her loud sobbing becomes quieter, until her tears mix with the raindrops in silence. Neither of the women move, until at last Aurora straightens, sniffling and wiping her eyes**
AURORA: I’m sorry…I’m so pathetic.
FUTURE LIBBY: Don’t be sorry, girl. And you’re not pathetic. You needed that.
**Aurora, somewhat embarrassed, pulls away and settles herself on the boulder**
AURORA: (wiping her nose) It’s just…all this is hitting me so hard. I’ve always been able to hold it in, you know? In the past, I was able to overlook all the awful things that had happened. I managed to keep the emotions in check. But today I felt something different, something worse. Libby, I’m afraid of what might happen — I’m afraid of what I might lose tomorrow.
FUTURE LIBBY: Oh?
AURORA: I dared to hope that the council might support Jimmy’s antidote plan. I thought we’d get the support that we so badly needed. But as usual, hope was too good to be true. Now we’re completely on our own. Our little group of desperadoes is going to have to take on the most powerful man in the galaxy, all by ourselves. It’s so scary to think about what’s at stake.
**She reaches absently for Future Libby’s hand**
AURORA: For the past ten years, each new morning felt like the start of a game of Russian roulette. New day, load the gun, spin the chamber, pull the trigger…and wait to see who dies. But even so, I had this obscure sense of invulnerability. No matter how many were claimed by the war, no matter how many of our allies died in the fighting, April and I always survived. We always came out as the victors in the end. The people who died were aliens, blank faces, numbers…as unrelated to me as the farthest star in the farthest galaxy. I had this idea that April and I were somehow the best of the best, and that no matter how bad things got for others, we couldn’t be touched. It happened so many times I got into a pattern…until that nightmarish day three years ago when I was captured. And even then, against all those odds, I managed to make it out alive. So you see, through all the battles I’ve fought, through all the close calls I’ve had, there was never anything at stake except my own life…so somehow it didn’t seem so bad. It was Aurora against the world. It was Aurora against the Dictator.
**Future Libby starts to say something, but Aurora cuts her off**
AURORA: But tomorrow things will be completely different. This isn’t April and me we’re talking about here, charging out onto the front lines and blasting the heck out of anything that comes our way. This isn’t my life at stake. It’s all of yours. I am taking the people I love most in this world and leading them into a deathtrap. I don’t think you understand the danger of what we’re getting into. I’m sickened by the thought of what might happen. I’m responsible for you, for April, for Nav, and for the lives of five children. I could lose all the people I care most about all over again. Losing the kids would be like a repeat of what happened ten years ago: unimaginable, horrifying. But losing you would be even worse. That would be it for me: two lives taken for the price of one.
**Aurora drops Future Libby’s hand and looks over at the lake**
AURORA: And what’s worse, I have this horrible feeling that we’re not going to be able to pull this off without losing somebody. I’m playing the game of Russian roulette again…and I keep thinking: who will die so that the others can live? I’m terrified, Libby, because the first rule of war is very simple. Someone always dies.
**There is a moment of arrested silence after this remark, then Aurora abruptly pushes away from the rock and stands**
AURORA: Enough. This isn’t the time to be going all to pieces. Now is the time to plan.
Every single one of us is going to need every ounce of our wits, strength, and resolve if we’re going to make it through this. There’s no room for emotions. There’s no room for mistakes. There’s no room for anything. Now Libby, are you with me?
FUTURE LIBBY: (laying her hand on Aurora’s) To the end.
AURORA: Then let’s get back to camp.
We have a lot to do.