Scenes, Cured DJ, Take III
DJ: *falls down*
Aurora: Are you alright? Are you...?
DJ: I'm dying, Cindy.
DJ: This stuff is...poisoning me. Cindy...I...I have something to tell you.
Aurora: *shaking* What?
DJ: *suddenly jumps up* I JUST SAVED A BUNCH OF MONEY ON MY CAR INSURANCE BY SWITCHING TO GEICO!
Geico, fifteen minutes can save you fifteen percent or more on your car insurance.
Hey Sheen, want to have a blinking contest?
Future Sheen: You're on!
*a few minutes later*
DJ: Hey, look! There's Libby in a bikini!
Future Sheen: WHERE??? *looks around eagerly*
DJ: MADE YOU LOOK! HAHA!
light on the console flashed with an eerie green
light. April swerved in her seat to face Aurora.
April: Incoming transmission.
Aurora: On screen.
The front window, which held a starry sky, flickered and was replaced by a handsome young man with piercing blue eyes. He didn't seem to notice he was on screen, because he was busy picking his nose. He finally did notice, and hurriedly put his finger away.
DJ: Oh, um. Hello...
Sheen: Libby? Is that really you? Come closer.
F. Libby: Yes, Sheen?
F. Sheen: You look more beautiful than I could have dreamed, but please come more closer...
F. Libby: *two inches from his face* Yes?
F. Sheen: *Licks her cheek* Mmm! You taste beautiful too!
knock-your-brains-to-kingdom-come punch to Aurora's jaw*
Aurora: *sails across room and into wall* UGH!
Lee, April, Future Libby, Sheen, CArl, Libby, Cindy, & Jimmy: Daaaamn!
Aurora had given up struggling hours ago. Now she just hung there, chained to a pole in the middle of a dark prison cell, savoring her captor's coldly allurring voice.
Dicator JImmy circled behind his fugitive once more and stood there. Only inches from the prisoner's face, he sighed wearily before reaching out and softly tracing her cheek with the side of his finger.
Aurora felt a not entirely unpleasant shiver race up her spine.
DJ: It doesn't have to be like this... Cindy.
Aurora: [hoarse; near whisper] Yes it does...
**DJ circles around so facing Aurora; so close they can feel each other breathing**
DJ:*leans towards her mouth and tilts his head slightly, pausing just centimeters away* You know you wanta.
Aurora: *trying to swallow a lump forming in her throat* Jimmy, please-
DJ:*Steps back to whip out a can of soda and makes a scary-huge smile* WANTA FANTA!!!!
Aurora:*stares at him in disbelief for a long time before turning positively red with fury, slipping her wrists out of the wrists cuffs that were "keeping her" chained to the pole, and storming out of the room, muttering dark things about coming all that way for nothing, not to mention letting him tie her up, and those fangirls on IDOJ getting a piece of her mind on what Dictator Jimmy is REALLY like, yada, yada, yada*
Aurora:*kicks DJ in the crouch, knees him in the head, delivers a round house kick to the back of his skull, and smirks with her hand on her hips*
DJ:*looks up at her over his shoulder from the ground* **growl!**
Lee, April, Future Libby, Sheen, Carl, Libby, Cindy, & Jimmy: Daaaamn!
Lee:[dancing and singing] Together, Together, Together, everyone!!!
Jimmy: *walks in and freezes* **eyetwitch** Iknow these lyrics... It couldn't possibly be-
April: "High School Musical." Yeah. Apparently, Lee became a huge fan while I was gone.
Lee: Togther, Forever, C'mon lets do this right!
I hate you.
Lee: I'm a slave to the winds of Disney pop culture, I'm not afraid to say it.
DJ:*blasts Aurora w/ plasma canon*
Lee, April, Future Libby, Sheen, Carl, Libby, Cindy, & Jimmy: Daaaamn!
*both stare at each other for a few seconds*
DJ: <.< Jerk move, man.
Dr. Phil: I feel some tension between you two.
Aurora: AHAHA, y'think?
DJ: How did I get sucked into this?
Dr. Phil: Now, I'm going to try something old fashioned. To try and tap into your brains, tell me what pops into your mind when I say these words.
--getting no response but deathly glares, Dr. Phil clears his throat and moves on--
Dr. Phil: When I say, "world" what do you think of?
Aurora: Stupid dictators who get their kicks from destroying everything you cared about.
DJ: Destroying things everyone cares abo-- oh.
--Aurora puts on a scowl while Dr. Phil pulls on his collar--
Dr. Phil: Er, when I say "love" what do you think of?
DJ: --scoffs-- Triviality.
Aurora: --stands up-- Triviality?! You heartless jerk! Do I mean nothing anymore? Are all the stupid fans on our author's site getting worked up for NOTHING?
DJ: --stands up also-- Maybe they are!
Aurora: --hands start to glow green-- Maybe you should take your "trivialities" and shove them up your--
Dr. Phil: --stands up, and waves hands frantically-- People, please! There's no reason to be so rash!
Aurora: --turns to face Dr. Phil-- Ha! This is all YOUR fault! Somehow you...you TELEPORTED us onto this show and expect us to just TALK about it??
Dr. Phil: Well, I-I just thought--
DJ: Well maybe you should stop thinking! --whips out invention and stuns Dr. Phil, who crumples to the ground, drooling--
--DJ looks at the appalled audience then back at Aurora--
DJ: I'm hungry. Let's get some pizza.
April, Jimmy, Cindy, Libby,
Sheen and Carl are forced into a jail cell by Dictator Jimmy. He smiles
as he shuts the door**
DJ: I hope you have fun in The Cell of Stupidity!
AURORA: Don't you mean The Cell of Indignity?
**DJ points to Sheen and Carl. Sheen is picking his nose and Carl is eating a half-eaten doughnut that he found on the ground**
(in his sixth
straight hour of recounting the latest Ultralord episode to Aurora):
there was this part where Robo-Fiend used his atomic breath to render
unconscious! All hope was lost! But wait, what's this coming from the
IT'S ULTRALADY APPRO--
Aurora: *presses deep space launch button*
Sheen: *flying out into deep space* AHHHHH!!!!!
April: Aurora, why'd you do that?
Aurora: One of us had to go, and it wasn't going to be me.
Carl, Sheen, Cindy, Libby, April, Aurora,
Nav, Lee, and Future Libby all quietly walk in the lower level of DJ's
Sneaking thru the hallways, trying to be unnoticed, they hear a
Voice: Who's there?
**Future Libby stops dead in her tracks. She slowly looks up, her amber eyes glittering in confusion and joy**
Future Libby: S-Sheen?
**Aurora's hand glows bright enough to cast a gentle jade glow on the man in front of them. Future Sheen looks at Future Libby; his jaw hanging agape from the sight of her. All of the sudden, the intro of "You're The One That I Want" starts playing from seemingly nowhere**
Future Sheen and Future Libby: **start singing the song**
Carl, Sheen, Cindy, Libby, April, Nav and Lee: o_O
Aurora: Since when did this turn into "Grease"?!
April moved to go and open the door. "No!" Aurora said quickly. "Er…I'll get it." She went out of the room with an air of secrecy. April blinked, but disregarded it and kept steering the Desperado. After a few minutes, she noticed Aurora had still not returned. Clicking the autopilot button, April went to see if she had been kidnapped or something.
"Aurora?" There was no answer. Moving along the hallway, she checked in all the rooms she passed. Aurora didn't seem to be in any of them. She obviously wasn't at the door, and it would be stupid to step outside. "Aurora?" At the end of the hallway, April took a right and walked down the adjacent passage. The corridor ended with a locked door, which was odd considering that door seemed to always be open. Looking around hesitantly, she took a deep breath and knocked the door. No reply.
"Do not make me open this door, Aurora!" With a scowl she backed up and connected her foot with the door, making it fly off its hinges into the darkness.
"Lights on!" Bright light flooded the room, and on the bed sitting alone was Aurora in a pink bathrobe. April's eyes darted around in paranoia as she took a fighting stance. "What's going on here?"
Aurora replied with a large, nervous smile, "Oh nothing! Just drinking our newly delivered milk... alone... in the darkness of a locked room!" She took a long sip from the sweating milk bottle as if to reassure April. The alien woman cocked her eyebrow. And that was when she noticed a milkman cap peeking from underneath the bed corner.
"Slap slap slap!
Clap clap clap!" echoed from behind the connected bathroom door. Almost as if on queue, the bathroom door swung open with a bang. "CINDYRORA CHILD! Bolbi has got a treat for youuu!" shouted the Backhairistan, wiggling his goat boxer-clad hips.
Was that--? There was a long, awkward pause in the room from Aurora and April as Bolbi smacked his buttcheeks. "Slap slap, clap clap!" Slowly, with wide eyes, April mechanically clicked the door shut before her.
A second or two passed, and then... "I have got to get Nav to take up being a milkman!"
Libby and April are staring at Aurora's
bulletin board, when suddenly, Cindy notices something else pinned to
I... I can't believe my future self is... HEY!! THERE'S A SOCK NAILED
pulls the sock off and holds it up in April's face*
HOW COULD MY FUTURE SELF POSSIBLY GET ONE OF DICTATOR JIMMY'S SOCKS?!!!
You think that's bad? If you do, then I wouldn't look in Aurora's
*In Dictator Jimmy's lab*
CARL: Yes master?
I just came to the realization that since Cindy changed her name, we
too, so Mara doesn't always have to write "Future" in front of every
character name. So, I've decided upon a new name for you.
CARL: Really? Well, what is it?
Yes, Igor. Now go get me some gum.
APRIL! April! I had THE best
idea to defeat Dictator Jimmy!
April: Yeah? This better be good.
Aurora: Trust me, it is. The best plan ever! **leans in to whisper**
**Jimmy emerges from a room with a towel around his waist and wet, poofy hair**
DJ: WHO TOOK ALL MY SHAMPOO?!
Half an hour later...
DJ: (banging on Aurora's ship) AURORA!! Did you take all of my special split-ends treatment shampoo!?
Aurora: (opening the door to find DJ with his hair still wet and a hot pink bathrobe on) What?! Of course not! Why would I want your shampoo?!
**April comes up to see what all the yelling is about**
April: (smirking) Nice robe, Neutron.
DJ: APRIL!! Give me back my split-ends shampoo!
April: (confused) What?
DJ: My hair has a severe split ends problem, I need my strawberry-melon-scented shampoo NOW!!
April and Aurora together: But we don't have it!
DJ: What? But then, who does?!
**a fangirl-ish scream is heard and a teenage girl runs down the hall, shrieking loudly and knocking down everything in her path**
Aurora: What in the world?
**the girl suddenly launches herself in the air and lands on DJ, who is standing in the doorway. DJ falls over on the floor**
Aurora: (watching amused as Jimmy tries to jerk his head away from Krista, while attempting to escape) Boy. Security around here really stinks.
DJ’s and Aurora’s wedding**
Sheen: And then the pink sock puppet said—
Cindy: SHEEN! Nobody wants you to tell us your incredibly long and stupid sock puppet version of The Wizard of Oz!
Sheen: But I haven’t even gotten to the part about the marshmallow fluff! Or the exploding pudding bomb!
Libby: Sheen, quiet! Aurora’s walking down the aisle!
Minister: We are gathered here today… for better or worse, for richer or poor, in sickness or health, in—
Aurora: In power-crazed mad dictator-ship or rebellious hero, yeah, we get it!
Minister: Fine, I’ll cut to the chase. Do you, James Isaac-Alvin Neutron—
DJ: Yes. My dad is obsessed with ducks, my aunt is obsessed with squirrels, and my grandpa is obsessed with chipmunks. Is there a PROBLEM with that?
Aurora: No, but… ALVIN?!
DJ: Just get on with it!
Minister: Do you, James Isaac-Alvin Neutron take Cynthia Aurora Vortex to be your lawfully wedded wife?
DJ: I do.
Minister: Do you, Aurora—I mean, Cindy—I mean, do you, whatever your name is and whatever you changed it to take him to be your lawfully wedded husband?
Aurora: I do.
Minister: If anyone has any objections, speak up now or forever hold your peace.
**door bangs open**
Future Betty: JIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIMMY!!
**the crowd all turns around, mouths open, and Aurora quietly reaches into her pocket, takes out a stun gun, and shoots Future Betty; Future Betty falls to the floor**
Aurora: I never liked her.
**Jimmy slumps down in his seat**
Minister: **clears throat** If I may continue… I now declare you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.
Sheen and Future Sheen together: HOPA!!
Libby: **hissing** Wrong wedding!
**door bangs open again**
Voldemort: I LOVE YOU AURORAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
**crowd stares, and the Harry Potter readers look confused**
Voldemort: What, am I too late?
Aurora: Aren’t you supposed to be dead?
Voldemort: Ohsnap. There’s been a flaw in the plan.
and DJ were taking a walk*
Aurora:*stops at GAP* OH MY GOD! GAP IS HAVING A SALE!!
DJ: *drools at the window of the store*
Aurora: Uhhh....are you ok?
DJ: She's purty. Ahuh.
Aurora: The mannequin isn't real Jimmy. You know that, right?
DJ: BUT SHE IS REAL TO ME!!!