Season 4, Episode 1: Invasion of the Soil Snatchers
A
fanfic by Katie
“You’re
going
away?!” Carl and Sheen asked simultaneously, jaws dropping.
Jimmy Neutron leaned back in
his booth at the Candy Bar. “Hey guys, calm down, it will just be for a
couple
of weeks,” he said soothingly. “I’ll be back before you know it.”
Sheen’s hands flew to the
sides of his head and his eyes bugged out in different directions. “A
couple of
weeks?!” He made as if he was going to faint. “We’ll never
survive that
long! We’re goners! Goodbye, cruel world! Send Ultralady my love - ”
“Now, hold on, Sheen,” Jimmy
interrupted, reaching into his pocket. He took out two metallic watches
and set
one in front of each boy. “Here,” he said smugly, “These should calm
you two
down.”
Sheen miraculously regained
life and snatched a watch off the table. “Oooh, metal-y!” He eyed Jimmy
hopefully. “Is it candy?”
“Uh, Jim?” Carl asked, poking
at the watch in front of him. “My mom says I can’t have laser watches.
Or
watches with scanners, or satellites, or anything that’s been in
contact with
cats.”
Jimmy rolled his eyes. “Don’t
worry, Carl, these watches are perfectly harmless. They are purely
communicating devices, so that we can all stay in touch while I’m at
NASA.”
Carl and Sheen’s faces were
filled with a sudden understanding that lasted for approximately four
seconds.
“Wait, NASA?” Sheen asked, eyes narrowing suspiciously. “Do you mean to
tell me
you are consorting with the evil Robofiend corporation, ‘Nasty Annoying
Space
Adversaries’?” He gasped, scooting back in the booth as far from Jimmy
as he
could get. “A traitor!” Sheen shouted with wide eyes, pointing a
shaking finger
in Jimmy’s direction. “Carl, there is a traitor among us!”
“Sheen, relax!” Jimmy said,
attempting to quiet his friend before the entirety of the Candy Bar was
staring
at them. “I meant NASA as in the National Aeronautics and Space
Administration.”
“Yeah, Sheen,” Carl
said, jabbing a pudgy finger at the taller boy. “Everyone knows that
NASA
stands for National Acrobatic…Spelling…”
Jimmy interrupted as Carl
fumbled for the last part of the acronym. “NASA has invited me to their
Jet
Propulsion Laboratory out in California. They want me to give my
professional
input on the accelerated propulsion systems for their new space probe.
Mom’s
coming along to help me get around the city, and Dad is coming in hopes
that he
might spot a Green Winged Teal.”
“California, eh, Neutron?” A
voice said from behind.
Jimmy spun around to see Cindy
Vortex and her best friend, Libby Folfax, approaching them at a rather
angry
pace. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed Sheen slicking down his
hair.
“And just when were you
planning on telling me about this?” The green-eyed girl asked, placing
her
hands on her hips.
Jimmy’s eyes flitted back and
forth for a moment. “Just about…now?”
Cindy growled. “Neutron!”
Jimmy frowned, suddenly on the
defense. “Well, I didn’t find out about it until yesterday!” He said,
hopping
up out of the booth and accidentally knocking into Libby, who was
waving at
Sheen. Sheen, in turn, was grinning like a fool. “And besides, I wasn’t
aware I
had to check my schedule with you, Vortex.”
Cindy’s eyes darkened. “Since
we had been intending on going to the museum together this weekend, I
sort of
thought you would at least clue me in on this sudden change of plans.”
Jimmy had the good sense to
look momentarily ashamed, and Carl squirmed excitedly in his seat.
“Oooh,” the
hefty boy said, gleefully pointing a finger at the arguing pair. “Jimmy
and
Cindy are going on a daaate.”
Jimmy crossed his arms
angrily, backing away from the blonde girl. “Were not!” he said, trying
to talk
over Libby’s sudden burst of giggles. “It was going to be a simple
intellectual
outing.”
Cindy stamped her foot. “Key
word there: WAS. Clearly, it has since been CANCELLED.”
Jimmy looked a bit
crestfallen. “Well uh, we could reschedule for when I come back – ”
“Puh!” Cindy said, turning to
leave and motioning for Libby to follow her out of the Candy Bar. “I
don’t
know, Nerdtron, I’ll have to see if I can squeeze you into my
SCHEDULE.”
Cindy’s eyes narrowed in anger as she snatched her best friend’s wrist
out of
the air, while it was still in mid-girly-wave. “Libby! Will you stop
ogling
Ultradork for ten seconds, and show some support?” She dragged her
friend back
out the door they had just come in minutes earlier, leaving a
bewildered Jimmy,
a dreamy-faced Sheen, and a giggling Carl in their wake.
* * * * *
“Hey Jim-Jam, time to get in
the car, son!”
Jimmy glanced over his shoulder
at his parents: his mom was stuffing all the heavy suitcases in the
trunk while
his dad was carefully buckling up a steaming pie into a car seat. The
boy
genius turned back to face his two friends.
“Okay, so remember what I said
about the watches: blue button to talk, red to listen. Think of them as
long-range walkie-talkies.”
Sheen and Carl nodded
excitedly, snapping the watches onto their wrists.
Jimmy started heading towards
the family car. “Just give me a call if anything goes wrong!” He hopped
into
the backseat, Goddard leaping in after him. Mrs. Neutron started up the
car.
“Oh!” Jimmy shouted, rolling down the window as they were leaving the
driveway.
“And don’t let the girls into my lab!”
Sheen threw him a mock salute.
“You can count on us, Captain!”
Carl waved furiously.
“Goodbye, Judy!” he called out, wiping tears from his eyes. “Don’t
forget to
write!” He turned to face Sheen, and after a few moments silence,
asked, “So,
um, what do we do now?”
Sheen smacked him on the
shoulder. “Aw, come on, Carl, I am sure there are LOADS of things we
can do
without Jimmy around.” Sheen clapped his hands together and grinned.
“Let’s go
get some of my Ultralord action figures and rage war in Jimmy’s
backyard.”
* * * * *
Libby watched her best friend
as her face became more and more plastered to her window, trying to
catch the
last sight of the Neutron’s car disappearing out of town. Finally,
Libby
grabbed Cindy by the shoulders and peeled her face back, which was now
semi-distorted from the window pane.
“Girl, you got problems,” she
said, as Cindy scrunched up her nose, trying to mush her features back
to
normal.
“He didn’t even say goodbye!”
Cindy exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air. “Libby, what is wrong
with him?
Why don’t boys behave like normal people?”
Libby shrugged. “You have to
admit, life would be a lot less interesting if they did.”
Cindy rolled her eyes. “Right.
I forgot I was talking to Mrs. Ultrafreak.” She sighed, sitting down on
her
bed. “I just don’t understand him, Libby. One minute he is the sweetest
guy
around, and the next he blows me off for NASA! I mean, honestly, who
does he
think he is?”
Libby sat down next to her
friend, a knowing smile on her face. “It’s all right, Cin’. I know
you’ll miss
him the next couple of weeks. I’m sure they will go by pretty fast,
don’t you
worry. And I’ll be here to help you get through them.”
Cindy began to smile in
gratitude, then shook her head violently and leapt to her feet. “Miss
him?!” she asked, laughing loudly. “Psh, I’m glad to be rid of him!
These two
weeks will be like paradise, believe me!”
* * * * *
Cindy poked cautiously at the
mystery meat on her lunch tray, and slowly scooted away from Carl, who
was
wolfing down his protein substitute like there was no tomorrow.
“Libby,” she
growled, looking up at her best friend. “Remind me again why
exactly we
have to eat lunch with Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumber?”
Libby sighed as an Ultralord
action figure sailed into her mashed potatoes. “I told you, Cin’, Jimmy
made me
promise to keep an eye on these two for him while he was gone. He knows
Sheen
will at least try to listen to me.”
Sheen leaned in close and
waggled his eyebrows. “I’ll try and listen to you until the end of my
days,
Libs.” He paused, considering. “Or until Ultralord gets cancelled, at
which
point you would have to excuse me as I run away to the countryside and
take up
the life of a quiet yet eccentric sweet potato farmer. You can come
visit every
other Sunday, though.”
Cindy pushed away her lunch
tray and put her head in her hands. “I don’t know how much more of this
I can
take.”
Carl nodded sympathetically,
looking up from his dirt-colored food. “Oh, I know, girlfriend. Believe
me, I
have to deal with this every day.” He slurped his Purple Flurp loudly
and
belched, rattling Cindy’s lunch off the table to land on her shoes.
“Gah!” she screamed, hopping
up and grabbing a pile of napkins. “I am sick and tired of dealing with
you freaks!”
“Freaks?” Sheen said, getting
defensive. “Who’s the one covered in her own lunch? Eh? EH?”
Cindy shrieked, throwing the
sopping napkins she had been cleaning herself up with at Sheen, who
ducked just
in time.
Sheen’s eyes bugged out
momentarily. He then leaned across the table to Carl, covering his
mouth with his
hand. “Man, I wish Jimmy were here so she could just get angry at him,
and
ignore us like she usually does.”
Carl nodded in agreement.
“Yeah, she is a lot nicer when she acts like we don’t exist.”
Cindy clenched her fists. “I
heard that!”
“Guys, guys!” Libby stood up,
holding her hands in front of her. “Come on, now! Jimmy has only been
gone two
days, and we’re already at each other’s throats.”
Sheen pointed at Cindy. “She
started it.”
Cindy stuck her tongue out at
Sheen, then glowered at Carl, who was trying to hide behind the table.
Sheen sighed dramatically.
“Let’s face it: we’re nothing without Jimmy!”
Carl nodded, resurfacing. “I
do miss him.”
Cindy rolled her eyes. “Oh,
please. I can’t believe you guys can’t go two days without getting all
wishy-washy about Nerdtron.”
Libby snorted. “Oh, like you
haven’t been sneaking peeks every five minutes at the picture of Jimmy
you keep
in your locker.”
The blonde girl shot her
friend a murderous look.
Suddenly, there was a large
CRASH and the ground shook beneath the school. The kids stumbled to
stay on
their feet, holding onto one another until the floor stopped moving.
“What in the name of Ultralord
was that?” Sheen asked, running over to the window. He gasped. “Guys!
GUYS!”
Sheen shouted, hopping up and down. “Check it out!”
The rest of the fifth graders
made their way over to the cafeteria windows.
“Wha – what is it?” Butch
asked, staring.
Nick cocked his head to one
side, clearly at a loss. “I don’t know, dude.”
Outside the cafeteria,
smack-dab in the middle of the playground, sat a bizarre looking
spaceship. The
front of it had huge jaws, like a piece of construction equipment,
while the
back half held massive jets. There was a whoosh of air, and a gangplank
descended from the middle of the ship, dust billowing outwards across
the
playground.
Carl let out a very high
pitched scream and threw his arms in front of his face. “No! I’m too
young to
be eaten!”
Libby shot him an exasperated
look and scooted past him towards the window. “Cindy, who or what is
that?” she
asked, staring intently.
Cindy did not have an answer
for her. Outside of the school, heading down the gangplank was a strange creature: pale, balding and carrying a
large green shovel. He had an elongated snout with a triangular head,
and beady
little eyes that were shaded by a neon purple visor. He wore a peculiar
coat,
silken and silver, with a glowing green insignia on the left side.
“Okay, troops! All clear!” the
alien man shouted back up towards his ship. Several more aliens, all
much
burlier than the first, marched down the gangplank. Their coats were
brown and
their visors blue, and they each carried some variety of digging gear.
“Cindy?” Carl asked, tugging
on her shirt. “What do we do now?”
She turned to face her
friends, surprised. “I don’t know! Why are you asking me?”
Three sets up panicked eyes
stared at her. Cindy stared back, completely floored. “You guys want me
to do something about this?”
Libby shuffled awkwardly.
“Well, Jimmy’s not here…”
“And you did help out when
that asteroid was coming, sort of…” Carl continued for her.
“Yeah, and when Jimmy’s Junior
Nobel Prize project went all bonkers…” Sheen added.
“And when Jimmy got kidnapped
by the League of Villains,” Libby finished. “C’mon, girl, you know you
are the
only one here with practice at this sort of thing.”
Cindy threw her hands up. “All
right, all right!” She looked back out the window at the troop of
creatures
marching past the school. “I guess I can go...erm, talk to them. Maybe
they’ve
just got the wrong planet?”
She inched towards the exit,
trying to muster up some confidence. The cafeteria fell silent as they
noticed
her moving towards the alien spacecraft. As she got to the doorway of
the
cafeteria that led out to the playground, she felt a light shove on her
back.
“We-ELL, Cindy, don’t be
shy-ARWK!” She heard Ms. Fowl say behind her, in a weird combination of
panic
and encouragement. “Go and say hell-O-o!”
Most of the aliens had
scattered, and only the leader remained. Cindy gulped and took a step
forward,
forcing herself to stand up straight.
“Um, hi,” she said,
tentatively walking towards the pale alien. He did not respond, and
instead
stared greedily into the palm of his hand, which seemed to only contain
a pile
of dirt. “Excuse me, sir?” She continued to walk forward. Still no
response.
“HEY!” Cindy shouted, getting
annoyed. “I’m trying to talk to you, here, freakazoid!” She put her
hands on
her hips.
The alien looked down, as if
he had just noticed her. “Oh, hello there, young human.” He grinned a
little
too wide for Cindy’s liking. “Can I help you with something?”
“Yeah, what are you doing
here?” Cindy demanded to know. Only a faint glimmer in her eyes
betrayed her
fear. “I promise you, Retroville is not that interesting of a town, if
you are
looking to take it over or something.” The blonde girl added, giving a
nervous
laugh.
“Oh, do not worry, we are not
here to take over,” the alien said, casually brushing that idea aside
like it
was the most ridiculous suggestion he had ever heard. “No, no, we’re
just here
to smash your town to the ground.”
Cindy gasped, completely
unsure of how to respond to that. Out of the corner of her eye she saw
Libby,
Sheen, and Carl approaching nervously.
The alien gave a good-natured
laugh, his pudgy belly shaking along with him. “Oh dear, I am afraid
that came
out a bit harsh.” He offered Cindy a three fingered hand. She took it
rather
cautiously as Libby, Sheen, and Carl came to stand beside her. “My name
is
Colonel Dul, and I-”
A snicker interrupted the
alien’s introduction. Cindy turned to see both boys covering their
mouths with
their hands, leaning on each other to hold in their laughter.
“Colonel Doll?!” Carl suddenly
blurted out, unable to restrain himself.
Sheen smacked him upside the
head, getting his own laughter under control. “Geez, Carl, show some
level of
maturity. I’m sure he prefers Colonel Action Figure.”
Cindy rolled her eyes.
“Colonel Dul, not Doll, honestly.”
It was Libby’s turn to start giggling.
“Dull as in boring?”
Surprisingly,
the Colonel managed to remain calm as the children bickered amongst
themselves.
After Cindy got everyone back under control, he offered to continue his
explanation. “As I was saying, we are not here to take over this town,
or this
world. We are here because your town rests on, well, how to say this –
an
absolute goldmine!”
Libby raised an eyebrow. “A
goldmine? Dude, I think you have the wrong Retroville. All our town
sits on is
a bunch of dirt.”
“Exactly!” Colonel Dul said,
cradling his handful of dirt gently. “Your town is built on a highly
concentrated mucky loam substrate, greatly valued on our home world!”
He
gestured to his visor. “See, we do not often come above ground, because
the sun
is painful to our eyes. We live underground, but our planet is running
out of
good quality packing dirt for homes and tunnels. So, we travel the
galaxy,
seeking high quality mud and soil. We’ve run an analysis over the
entirety of
your world, and this town repeatedly arises as the top pick for dirt
mining.”
Libby tucked a braid behind
her ear. “I don’t know if we should be flattered by that or not,” she
said,
raising an eyebrow. Cindy shrugged in response.
The pale alien gripped his
shovel once again. “Well, to make a long story short, we will
regrettably have
to demolish every building in town.”
Sheen’s jaw dropped
dramatically.
“I hope you know that it is
not personal,” Colonel Dul continued, straightening his purple visor.
“We’re
just a simple military mining crew. Can’t get at the dirt with all
these houses
and stores on top of it, can we?” He laughed jovially. “So if you don’t
mind
stepping aside, we’d like to start our deconstruction with this
building right
here.”
The alien troops had surrounded
Lindbergh Elementary and were beginning to line up a series of
explosives
around the perimeter. A collective gasp was heard coming from the
cafeteria as
all of the students inside realized what was about to happen.
Carl, Sheen, and Libby once
again all turned to face Cindy, each one of them with a unique
expression of
panic on their faces. “Cindy,” Libby whispered, terrified. “What do we
do?”
Her friend’s fear reflected
itself in Cindy’s own eyes. She did not have an answer.
COMMERCIAL BREAK!
The
pale, long snouted, visor-wearing aliens continued to set up explosives
around
Lindbergh Elementary, impervious to the screams of protest coming from
inside
the school.
“Wait!” Cindy shouted,
desperate to stall for time. “You can’t do this! Where will we live?”
Colonel Dul seemed to think
this over for a moment. “Well, I suppose we could help you out
there.”
He snapped his fingers, as if struck by sudden inspiration. “You could
come
with us, and build our new tunnels! We could use some free labor to
ease the
construction process along.” He smiled warmly, “What do you kids say?”
Several alien thugs began
surrounding the four kids, grinning broadly.
Cindy laughed nervously as the
aliens crept closer. “Well, uh, not that it is not a kind offer,
Colonel, but,
erm…” She began sidestepping away, dragging her friends with her. They
edged
behind the swing set, and Cindy’s eyes lit up. “We’d actually rather –”
She
grabbed one of the thick black swings. “EAT RUBBER!” Screaming, she
hurled the
swing at the Colonel’s face, and the four children took off running out
the
gates of the school.
There was a distinct thud as
the rubber swing met Colonel Dul’s long snout and knocked his visor to
the
ground. “ARGH!” He screamed, clutching at his eyes with his hands and
dropping
his shovel. “The sun! I can’t see!”
The alien troops rushed to
their Colonel’s aid, leaving Cindy, Libby, Carl, and Sheen to escape
without
hindrance. They ran from the playground, with Carl sucking on his
inhaler like
there was no tomorrow.
“Guys, I think we’re gonna
make it!” Libby said, between ragged breaths.
However, Libby had spoken too
soon. As they rounded a corner, heading towards the Candy Bar, they
heard the
Colonel shout in the distance, “After those kids!”
Cindy let out a frustrated
growl. “I knew our luck wouldn’t last! Quick!” She pointed to an alley
wrapping
around the back of the Candy Bar. “Behind the dumpsters!”
The four kids launched
themselves into the trash heap and watched with trepidation as several
aliens reached
the back alley. Carl hid his eyes and squeaked in fear. Cindy shushed
him as
one large thug began poking at the trash pile, suspiciously.
Just as the alien was about to
move the garbage bag blocking the kids, a squirrel made a sudden dash
across the
street, drawing his attention.
“Over there!” the alien
shouted, pointing a spade in the squirrel’s direction and squinting, “I
think I
saw something move that way!”
The alien squad followed his
suggestion and took off after the animal. There were four distinct
sighs of
relief.
“Wow,” Sheen commented. “Their
eyesight is worse than my Great-Grandmother’s after she had that
accident with
the mosquito netting.”
Wisely, no one chose to pursue
that topic of conversation.
Carl sneezed loudly, knocking
over a bag of half eaten ice cream cones and nacho baskets. “Guys, I
think I’m
allergic to garbage.”
Cindy sighed in annoyance.
“This is just ridiculous.” she said, picking a banana peel off her
shoulder,
“Our school is about to be blown to smithereens, and we are hiding in
yesterday’s trash!”
Sheen shrugged. “What’s the
big deal? No school building, no school!” He smirked. “I like the sound
of
that.”
Libby shook her head. “Sheen,
they aren’t just going to stop there. They want to destroy the entire
town! My
house, your house, The Candy Bar, Jimmy’s lab – ”
“You don’t think they’d knock
down the new Ultralord billboard, do you?!” Sheen gasped, horrified.
“Wait, that’s it!” Cindy said,
eyes brightening, “If we can get to Neutron’s lab, maybe we can find
some crazy
invention to fight these guys off with!”
Carl waggled his finger. “Oh
no, I don’t think so. Jimmy told us ‘no girls allowed’ while he’s gone.”
Cindy rolled her eyes. “‘No
girls allowed’? What is he, six?”
Sheen crossed his arms and stuck
his nose in the air. “What Jimmy says, goes. As his loyal friend, I
must uphold
his wishes.”
Cindy grabbed Sheen’s shirt
and raised her fist in front of his nose. “Sheen, you have five seconds
to
change your tune, or I’m going to pound your face in!”
Sheen put his hands up in
surrender, eyes crossing as they stared at the girl’s fist. “Did I say
loyal
friend? I meant untrustworthy, backstabbing friend with access to a
large bag
of Jimmy’s hair.” He laughed nervously, as Carl nodded furiously in
agreement.
* * * * *
The foursome approached
Jimmy’s backyard, shooting glances over their shoulders to see if they
were
being followed. Aliens could be heard marching in formation up and down
the
neighborhood streets. Hiding behind a tree, Cindy gathered everyone in
a
huddle.
“Okay, so we need to split up
into to task forces. If the aliens find us once we get in the open,
then one
force can distract while the other makes a dash for the lab.” Cindy
snatched a
handful of Jimmy’s hair from the bag Carl held open. “Carl, you go with
Libby
to the right. Sheen and I will take the left.”
“Aww, man!” Sheen
complained. “Why does Carl get to go with Libby?”
“Because I need to rid you as
of many distractions as I can, Spastic-Boy,” Cindy said, glaring at
Sheen.
“Believe me, I’m not happy about this arrangement, either.” She turned
back to
face the group once again. “Now, stealth is of the upmost importance.
We know
their vision is limited, but I am sure that means their other senses
have just
been enhanced through the common evolutionary processes of adapting to
life in
a subterranean environment.”
Libby smirked. “Girl, you are
starting to sound like Jimmy.”
Sheen blinked. “Yeah, I didn’t
understand a word of that.”
Cindy growled. “Okay, simple
version. Don’t make any sounds! Stay quiet, move slowly, and we should
be able
to get to his lab without being caught.”
Sheen’s eyes brightened. “Oh.
I get it.”
Cindy sighed. “Good. Carl?”
The large boy gave her a
thumbs up and gripped his bag of Jimmy’s hair tightly. “Ready to rock
and roll,
baby.”
Cindy blinked. “Well, I’m
going to pretend I never heard that,” she said, turning away to face
Sheen. She
coughed. “All right, let’s go.”
The two groups split up and
began moving over the lawn. Libby and Cindy were tip-toeing in near
unison,
despite being on opposite sides of the backyard; Carl kept turning
secret-agent
style, checking the four cardinal directions for any sign of alien
life; and
Sheen had flattened himself against the lawn, crawling like a special
ops
soldier over the grass. Suddenly, Sheen bolted straight up in
mid-crawl.
“YES!” Sheen shouted. He leapt
into the air, something purple and plastic clutched in his left hand.
“Hawaiian
Party Ultralord’s Turbo-Powered-Ukulele, with mango-scented laser discs
and
eight different hula-inspired versions of the Ultralord theme song!” He
cradled
it to his face, cooing. “I thought I’d lost you forever.”
“Sheen!” Libby shouted
from across the yard, hands clutching her head in exasperation. “What
part of ‘stay
quiet’ did you not understand?”
He responded by striking up a
peppy luau-esque ditty on the miniature ukulele, which was quickly
interrupted
by Cindy’s slapped hand over the strings. “Sheen, Libby!” she hissed.
“Knock it
off, or the whole alien army is going to – ”
Cindy felt a tap on her
shoulder. She slowly turned around to find Colonel Dul staring down at
her.
“Well, hello,” he grinned.
Cindy gave a nervous laugh.
“H-hello,” she answered, eyes darting around. “Fancy meeting you here,”
she added,
then grabbed the Ultralord ukulele. “Sorry that we can’t stick around!”
With
one smooth move, she leapt into the air and wailed the ukulele down on
the
alien’s head. “Run, everybody! Now!”
They took off toward the lab,
but were thwarted by two lines of alien troops hut-hutting in front of
the
doorway and VOX, menacingly wielding their shovels in the air.
The kids spun around and raced
of in the other direction. Sheen snatched his ukulele from the ground
and
high-tailed it after his friends.
An enraged cry rang out after
their getaway. “That’s the second time that brat has hit me. After
them!”
* * * * *
“Now what?” Libby shouted in
desperation as they ran down the street.
“I –” Carl wheezed heavily
between each word. “Wish – huff - Jimmy - huff huff -
were here.
He’d – huff – know what – huff – to do!”
Sheen flailed his hands in
agreement. “If only there was some way of contacting him!” he
cried, “If
only he had left us with some means of communicating with him in case
of
emergencies!” He threw the back of his hand to his forehead in a
dramatic
fashion, then winced in surprise. “OW!” He glanced angrily at
the hard
metal object on his wrist. “What the heck is this doing here?!”
Carl skidded to a halt.
“Sheen! That’s the watch Jimmy gave to you! The walkie-talkie one,
remember?!”
He held up his own to jog Sheen’s memory.
Cindy stormed toward the boys
as she stopped running. “What are you two losers going on about?”
“Yeah!” Libby agreed, putting
her hands on her hips. “We’ve got to keep running, here, people!”
“But – ” Carl started.
“No time! We’ve got to get out
of here!” Cindy said, glancing over her shoulder.
The alien squad was getting
closer. Sheen squinted, clearly deep in thought. “THAT WAY!” he
shouted,
pointing in two directions at once.
Catching on, Cindy grabbed
Libby and took off to the right, while Carl and Sheen ran to the left,
leaving
a very confused band of aliens behind them.
Sheen and Carl took a quick
dive into someone’s rose bushes. “OW!” Sheen yelled for the second time
that
afternoon. He looked down at his body to see most of it covered in
thorns. As
he was about to shout out in pain again, Carl clamped a hand over
Sheen’s
mouth.
“Shhh!” the hefty boy hissed.
“Be quiet, Sheen, or they’ll find us!” He fumbled with his inhaler,
hands
shaking too hard to hold it steady.
Waiting until the aliens had
moved on from the area they were hiding, Carl spoke again. “Okay, we
have to
call Jimmy!” he said with a surprising amount of authority. “We need to
find out
if there is a secret entrance to the lab where the creepy spacemen
won’t catch
us!” His eyes darted back and forth in panic upon mentioning the aliens
pursuing them.
“Right!” Sheen agreed,
flipping open his watch. His expression turned to one of confusion as
he stared
at the two buttons. “Er…which one do we press to call?”
Carl scratched his head. “Oh,
um, well, let’s see…” he trailed off.
The boys looked from the red
button, to the blue, and back to the red. Throwing his hands up in
frustration,
Sheen yelled, “Gah! I can’t take this! Let’s just press them both at
once!”
Before Carl could say
anything, Sheen slammed his fingers down on the watch. A puff of smoke
radiated
out from the buttons.
“DARNIT!” Sheen reached
eagerly over to Carl’s wrist. “Let’s try that again with your watch
this time!”
“Sheen, no!” Carl said, protectively shielding his watch from the
hyperactive
boy.
Sheen slumped his shoulders in
disappointment.
“Let’s just try one button at
a time,” Carl suggested reasonably.
Sheen grumbled something
including the words “spoiling”, “scientific experiment”, and “just
curious”,
while crossing his arms and looking away.
* * * * *
“And so, by simply reversing
the polarity four times rather than three, you get a super-charged
magnet,
capable of producing a thrust 6.79 times greater than the original,”
Jimmy
concluded, bowing to the small circle of rocket scientists that had
gathered
around his impromptu lecture. A smattering of applause rang throughout
the
space center.
Just then, a burst of static
erupted from Jimmy’s watch.
“Excuse me, gentlemen, I have
a call coming in,” Jimmy said politely, heading towards a less crowded
corner
of the test facility to talk.
“Hello? Carl? Sheen?” Jimmy
asked, tapping on the watch.
More static answered.
“Hmm,” Jimmy scratched his
head. “There must be interference due to the top secret government
facilities
around here. I’ll try to connect on another channel.”
It took several tries before
he found one that linked up, but even the working channel had static
interference about every two seconds.
“Jimmy!” Sheen’s panicked
voice broke through. “The KSHHHHHHHHHHHH lab! KSHHHHHHHHHH
Cindy
and KSHHHHHHHHHH break in KSHHHHHHHHH –nother entrance!
KSHHHHHHHHHHH
stop them before they KSHHHHHHHHH.”
Jimmy shook his watch
repeatedly. “Sheen? Sheen! Can you hear me?”
There was no answer.
Jimmy’s eyes narrowed. “So,
Cindy thinks she can break in to my lab now, huh? Well, she isn’t going
to get
far.” He clenched his fists decisively. “Goddard!”
“Bark, bark!” the robotic dog
answered promptly.
“We need to get back to
Retroville, A.S.A.P.!”
COMMERCIAL BREAK!
“There
you two are,” Libby said, yanking the boys out of the rose bushes.
“We’ve been
looking all over for you guys.”
“Seriously, they’re about to
blow up the school and take all of our friends away to be slaves! All
those
ugly alien freaks have already headed back to Lindbergh Elementary, and
you two
didn’t even notice that it was safe to crawl out of your hiding spot,”
Cindy
sighed in frustration, stepping up to stand beside her best friend.
“We were calling Jimmy,” Carl
said, proudly, pointing at his wristwatch. “With Jimmy’s secret
walkie-talkie
watches.”
Sheen looked less excited.
“Yeah, well, he could have tested them better! The dang things barely
worked at
all!” He chucked his fried watch to the ground, then picked a couple of
thorns
out from his elbow.
Carl shuffled awkwardly. “I
guess so. We couldn’t really hear him all that much.”
Cindy did not look surprised.
“Well, what did you expect? Since when do any of Nerdtron’s inventions
work
like they were supposed to? Now, if he just listened to me once
in a
while, maybe he’d see where he was going wrong. But nooo, not
Mister
Know-It-All.” Cindy rolled her eyes are grabbed both boys by the
sleeves. “Come
on, we have to get back to the school before it gets blasted into
rubble!”
* * * * *
Four heads poked over the
playground seesaw, watching the long-snouted aliens set up the last of
the
explosives. Everywhere they looked, guards stood. Colonel Dul was
standing by
the cafeteria, lining up the students to head into the spaceship.
“All right everybody, in a
nice orderly fashion,” he commanded, gently moving the children along
with his
shovel. “I promise, you’ll love tunnel digging. The darkness, the damp
moldy
smell!” Colonel Dul inhaled deeply. “Ahh, it is an honor, let me tell
you.”
Nick sneered at him. “Oh yeah?
Then why aren’t you leaving that honor to your own species?” He got a
particularly non-gentle shove with the shovel for that comment.
“Cindy, girl, we don’t have
much time!” Libby whispered, urgently. “What’s the plan?”
Cindy’s mouth twitched up in a
nervous grin. “The plan? Right, then plan. Erm…” She looked from Sheen,
to
Carl, to Libby, biting her lower lip in uncertainty.
“Cindy!” Libby squeaked.
“We’re counting on you here!”
Cindy shut her eyes and
nodded, determined. “Think…” she said to herself, squeezing her eyes
shut.
“Think…” she grit her teeth and clenched her fists. Images of scenes
from
earlier in the day floated through her mind.
Sheen playing the Ultralord
Ukulele.
Carl inhaling his protein
substitute at lunch.
Sheen’s voice, “Their eyesight
is worse than my Great-Grandmother’s after she had that accident with
the mosquito
netting.”
Her own voice, “Now, if he
just listened to me once in a while, maybe he’d see where he was going
wrong.”
“BRAIN BLAST!”
Three jaws dropped
simultaneously. Libby, Carl, and Sheen all stared incredulously at
Cindy,
shocked and completely unable to move.
Cindy’s eyes widened and her
face turned beet red. “It’s, it’s,” she stammered. “It’s just an
expression,
okay?” She set her jaw. “Really, you guys need to get a hold of
yourselves.
We’ve got aliens to defeat, remember?”
Libby shook her head, as if
ridding herself of an unwanted memory. “My girl’s right, we have to get
moving
here.” She snapped in front of Sheen’s face, his eye twitching at
uneven
intervals. “Yo, Earth to Sheen. We’re kinda having an important
conversation
right now? How about you join us?”
Sheen blinked, swooning his
head as if he was just coming to. Carl, however, continued to stare,
his
expression frozen.
“All right,” Cindy said,
ushering them all to come close. “Here’s the plan.” She paused,
glancing at
Carl in annoyance. “Carl,” she bonked the large boy on the head with
her fist.
“Snap out of it.”
Carl grabbed the top of his
head with his hands. “Ow! All right, all right!”
“Do you still have any of that
protein substitute?” Cindy asked.
“Sure, I do, Cindy,” he said,
pulling out a llama-covered lunchbox from behind his back. “But I was
sort of
saving it for a snack – Hey!”
Cindy snatched the lunchbox
from him. “Don’t worry, Carl, you’ll still get to eat it. Here is what
we are
going to do.”
* * * * *
Sheen leapt from behind the
seesaw, a bowler hat on his head, and a dapper bowtie around his neck.
“Good
afternoon, my friends!”
The aliens all stopped what
they were doing and turned to face the boy.
Sheen grabbed a cane out of
thin air, pointing it at the aliens. “You look like a hearty bunch of
alien
miners in need of a good Dirt Schlepper.”
There was no response, but
Sheen grinned anyway and carried on. “Well, today is your lucky day!”
Smiling, Carl waddled over to
Sheen’s side.
“Introducing, the Dirt
Schlepper 9000!” Sheen said, throwing his arms wide and gesturing
towards the
boy beside him. Carl waved and cocked his head to one side, still
smiling.
Sheen darted forward, putting
an arm around a brown-coated alien with a big gold earring. “Ever get
tired of
lugging dirt back and forth?” He grabbed the alien’s shovel, and threw
it over
his shoulder. “Well, what if I told you that you might never need that
shovel
again?”
The alien grinned toothily and
clasped his hands together. “Ooo, really now?”
“Yes!” Sheen patted him on the
shoulder and leaned in closer to his ear. “Really, now.”
Spinning, Sheen arrived back
at Carl’s side. “The Dirt Schlepper 9000 is here to solve those soil
moving
blues! Allow me to demonstrate.” He lifted Carl’s chin to tilt his head
back,
then whipped out the llama lunchbox from behind his back.
“Behold!” Sheen shouted,
opening the lunchbox and showing off its contents. “An entire box-full
of dirt,
at least one shovel’s worth! Would you rather have to scoop that dirt
yourself,
or allow the Dirt Schlepper 9000 to process it, mess free?”
“Process it!” an excited alien
cried out.
“Show it how it works!” yelled
another.
Sheen smiled widely and dumped
the protein substitute into Carl’s open mouth. It was a beautiful
cascade of
small brown particles, and Carl swallowed it effortlessly, with an
impressive
burp following. Cheers and applause erupted from the alien audience.
The two
boys bowed, grinning at each other.
* * * * *
Meanwhile, Libby and Cindy were
on the move. Inching over to the walls of the school, they reached the
group of
aliens setting up the explosives.
Picturing Jimmy’s head on one
of the alien’s bodies, Cindy marched at him, hands on her hips. “Oh,
please,
you call that arming a bomb?’
The alien stared at her
dumbly.
Cindy pushed him out of the
way. “Psh, you are doing that completely wrong. Let me look at it.”
The alien stepped aside,
looking at his partner, completely confused. “Um, Miss, I’m not sure
you are
authorized to –”
Cindy shot him a glare. “You
boys are all the same. ‘Nooo’,” she said, in a mocking tone, “‘Don’t
let the girl
play with the high-tech explosive equipment, she might break a nail and
get it
lodged in the controls!’ Puh-lease.”
The aliens watched, speechless,
as Cindy moved from one bomb to the next, adjusting it, presumably to
make it
“more effective.” After coming to the end of the series, Cindy bit her
lower
lip again. She looked over at Libby, who thankfully seemed to have a
plan of
what to do next.
“Hey, guys,” Libby said,
smiling and directing the aliens’ attention over to Carl and Sheen.
“You might
want to check out what’s goin’ on over there.”
The group of aliens turned and
their jaws dropped. All of the captive students and faculty were being
herded
back off the ship, and their shackles undone. The aliens
glanced at each
other, nodded in agreement, then raced over to figure out what was
happening.
Cindy and Libby were left alone, confused but beaming nonetheless.
* * * * *
“What is going on here?”
demanded Colonel Dul, gesturing at the prisoners being released.
The alien with the gold
earring smiled. “Oh, we’ve just made a great trade, Sir,” he said
excitedly,
grabbing Carl and pulling him close. “One Dirt Schlepper 9000 for this
lot of
tunnel slaves!”
Sheen sidled up, swinging a
pair of handcuffs that he had just gotten off of Butch. “A real
bargain,
actually,” he agreed, “Especially since I threw in the Booster Pack for
no
extra charge.”
Carl waved his inhaler about
proudly.
Colonel Dul bristled with
rage, but kept his voice calm. “Private, why was this trade not brought
to me
for approval?”
Sheen answered for the alien
soldier, leaping in front of Colonel Dul. “Because at prices this crazy
low,
you can’t WAIT to act!” He threw his hands forward
dramatically,
winking. “Much less wait for approval from your superior officer,” he
added, as
an afterthought.
“PRIVATE!” roared the Colonel,
all sense of composure lost.
* * * * *
Cindy fiddled with the
Ultralord Ukulele as she ran, grateful for Sheen and Carl’s diversion
drawing
the attention of most of the alien crew.
“All right, this should
be tuned to the correct frequency to disarm those explosives, now that
we’ve
made the proper adjustments to them,” Cindy said, handing the small
plastic
instrument over to Libby. “You know what to do?”
Libby smirked, “Does Graystar
rock the power chords?”
Cindy smiled at her response,
then knelt down so that her friend could get up on her shoulders.
Swiftly,
Libby climbed on and reached up, careful to balance herself as Cindy
rose to
her feet. “Just grab the drain pipe…” Cindy grunted, trying to hold
steady.
With a leap worthy of Cindy’s
martial arts skills, Libby jumped onto the pipe and scampered up the
side of
the building, Ultralord Ukulele strapped to her back.
Cindy took a brief look up at
the position of the sun and then glanced over across the playground. It
was
clear that Sheen and Carl’s distraction had taken an ill turn. Colonel
Dul was
advancing on the two boys, arms raising a shovel menacingly over their
heads as
they cowered together in front of him. Cindy stepped forward, knowing
that it
was now or never.
“Hey, freakazoids!” she
shouted. Colonel Dul and the rest of the alien crew turned to look in
her
direction. “Look up there!” Cindy pointed to the top of the school
building
where Libby stood, Ultralord Ukulele at the ready.
Just as the afternoon sun
dropped behind the ukulele-bearing girl, Cindy yelled, “NOW, LIBBY!”
The sun silhouetted Libby
perfectly. Bright rays wrapped around her and shined straight into the
eyes of
the aliens who had followed Cindy’s pointing finger, their visors no
longer
effective upon tilting their heads up to look at the top of the
building. Libby
struck an E minor chord just as the aliens began to scream in pain.
“MY EYES!”
“I’M BLIND!”
“ARGHHH! THE SUN! IT BURNS!”
Falling left and right,
swatting aimlessly at sunspots dancing in front of their eyes, the
burrowing
aliens lost control of themselves.
Colonel Dul shrieked, blinking
back tears from his beady eyes. “Now, you fools! Hit the switch! BLOW
UP THEIR
SCHOOL!”
Fumbling, the alien with the
gold earring blindly smacked at the control box, until he found the
right
lever.
“Libby!” Cindy shouted in a
rushed tone. “F major! A minor! Now!”
“Got it, girl!” Libby struck
the final notes of the disarming trio of chords, somehow managing to
make even
the plastic Ultralord Ukulele sound cool.
The lever was pulled, and a
tense moment of silence fell over the schoolyard.
Nothing happened. The bombs
did not detonate.
The school was not blown up.
A chorus of cheers erupted
from the students, who began jumping and dancing around the playground.
“Yes!” Libby shouted, leaping
into the air. “And the day is saved by Libby Folfax and her
extraordinary musical talent.”
“And Cindy Vortex!” the blonde
girl added, grinning and walking up to the still-disoriented jumble of
aliens.
“And her pure girl geniusness!”
Carl raised a timid hand. “Um,
I don’t think ‘geniusness’ is a word, Cindy.”
Sheen waved a dismissing hand
in Carl’s direction. “Sure, it is, Carl! Just like discombobulationism
or
doowapdadooditty. Seriously, you need to invest in a dictionary.”
Cindy, Sheen, and Carl
surrounded the group of aliens, with Libby joining them as soon as she
climbed
down off of the roof. The foursome picked up the shackles that had been
used to
bind their classmates and teachers and slapped them on the confused,
long-snouted aliens.
After pushing almost all of
them back onto their spaceship (which was fairly easy to do, since none
of them
could see straight), Cindy confronted Colonel Dul.
“I think you learned an
important lesson today, Colonel,” she said smugly.
“And what, pray tell, is that,
young human?” the Colonel asked, all traces of his earlier warm
civility lost.
“Don’t mess with Retroville’s
Number One genius!” Cindy said, grinning.
With that, she shoved the
silver-coated alien forward and watched him tumble up the gangplank.
Slapping
the button on the side of the ship, the gangplank inserted itself back
into the
spacecraft, and the door slammed shut.
Cindy smacked her hands
together, dusting them off. “Well,” she said to Libby as the spaceship
took off
back into the atmosphere, albeit in a zig-zagging sort of way, “I think
we’ve
seen the last of Colonel Dul and his creepy, dirt-loving henchmen,
don’t you?”
Libby nodded. “Mmmhmm, I sure
hope so.”
Just then, an object flew in
across the sky.
Carl screamed. “No, not again!
I’m too young to be a miner!”
Cindy squinted into the sky.
“Oh no, you can’t be serious.”
Zooming in on the back of a
certain robotic dog, Jimmy Neutron arrived in Retroville, looking
thoroughly
angry.
As he landed, he hopped off of
Goddard and stormed over to where the four children stood. “All right,
Vortex,
you have some explaining to do.”
Cindy’s jaw dropped. “What are
you talking about, Neutron?” she asked, crossing her arms.
Jimmy pointed a finger at her
nose. “You were trying to break into my lab while I was
away at
NASA!” he accused.
Cindy looked exasperated. “Um,
yeah, but for a perfectly good reason, Nerdtron!”
Jimmy’s eyes narrowed. “From
the way Sheen’s call sounded, I highly doubt you had honorable
intentions.”
Carl piped up. “Uh, Jim, I
think this might just be a misunderstanding – ”
Jimmy cut him off. “You two
are in enough trouble as it is,” he said, shooting a glare at Carl and
Sheen.
“How could you not manage to keep the girls out of my lab for even two
days?”
Cindy glared at him. “About
that little rule,” she said, following Jimmy as he began
stomping off
toward his house, presumably to inspect any damage that may have been
done to
his lab. “I think it is about time you grew up and stopped being afraid
of cooties,
Neutron.”
“Oh yeah?” Jimmy shot back. “Well,
you wouldn’t be so quick to judge if you knew half of the germs the
female
gender carried around…”
Their argument trailed off as
they marched out of earshot of the playground.
An awkward silence followed,
interrupted a moment later by Sheen, who was clearly concerned about
something.
He leaned over to Libby, mouth
opening and closing like a fish. “Hey, Libs?” he finally managed to
ask, his
fingers twitching.
“Yes, Sheen?”
“Can I have my Ultralord
Ukulele back now?”